Uncle Matt has the weirdest pet ever. It's this ugly, flat little beast that spends most of it's time sitting in the corner doing nothing. Then once a week, it starts tearing around the house, eating everything it comes across. I follow it around to make sure it doesn't eat my food, but the little bastard will turn around without any notice and chase after me. Uncle Matt class it Roomba. What a dumb name for a pet.

Mom put me on a diet. 

NOT. COOL.

Taste tests have shown that I prefer a light lager over cabernet.

The Man has gone on vacation for a few days, so I've got complete control over the house now. I've already been pulled out from undernearth the bed three times this morning, and that was before he even left. I plan on moving up to the pillows by mid afternoon. 

We also have a new plant. It's much bigger than the bonsai, so it wiill make a much more substantial meal.

I'm going to let you all in on a little secret. 

I have discovered how to open the bedroom door. I am very careful not to sneak in until after Uncle Matt leaves the house in the morning, and I sleep at my mom's feet so she doesn't really notice that I'm in there. It's wonderful to sleep on the big bed again, I deserve so much more than that tiny little kitty bed they bought me. I'm not going to tell you how I open the door, because then I'll be in trouble and they'll figure out a new way to keep me out. For now, I'm just enjoying my morning naps on the comforter. 

Oh, Aunt Lauren, I call Uncle Matt Uncle because he is not my daddy. Thank god, because he thinks I'm a dog. I call every human that loves me "aunt" or "uncle." 

My belly is still pink from my punk rock stint on the road trip out here. I keep trying to lick it off, but I'm afraid it's more permanent than Capri Sun intended for their frozen treats to be. I'll have to talk mom into taking me to the salon.

Also, I really don't like the new setup for Stuffonmycats.com.

I've decided it's more fun when mom's not around. Today, I somehow got myself into the bedroom (the one room I'm not allowed in)  and slept on Uncle Matt's pillow all day. However, when I awoke and got up to get some food, I discovered that I'd locked myself in. So I knocked things over and furred up as much clothing as possible, but I had to wait til mom got home to let me out. Thank god, because I was near starvation. 

Oh, also today, I discovered my new favorite snack: bonsai. Who knew a tiny tree could taste so good?

My god, it's hot out here. I thought summers in Chicago were bad, but there's no AC out here! And with mom off at work, there's no one to fan me either. :( However, mom does put ice cubes in my water, which is nice. And they leave the bedroom door open so it doesn't get stuffy, so I've been sneaking in and furring up all of the linens and clothes, which is great fun.

Since my mom got a job, she has less time to pay attention to me. So I am busying myself with several new hobbies: origami, leaning russian, and this new livejournal. It is a good way for my expansive fan base to idolize and worship me. If you have a journal, let me know so that I can link to it and maybe I'll leave a comment about how wonderful I am. Otherwise, you can check back often to see what I'm up to in my new home.